I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

I live a few miles from my parents. I am just finishing graduate school and I also have 2 small children. My husband work full time and we never get help. We cannot afford a babysitter. My mother owns a pre-school and my son goes a couple of mornings a week (only for 2 1/2 hours). That is all the "help" she gives. She pops her head in the car to say a quick hello to her granddaughter and then tells stories about my kids to the rest of the family to make it seem as if she is with them all the time. My mother has made excuse after excuse (hair, nail appt, plan with friends...etc) when I have asked her for help. My husband and I have not been alone on a date in 2 years. My resentment towards my mother is growing each day. She never offers to help. Even when both kids were born we were on our own. No help! No offerings of any kind! So when mother's day and father's day come along they expect me to bring my family over to their house to "celebrate". We did not go and they give me attitude.

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

I think that it is really mean of parents not to help out now and again. Of course parents don't want to end up bringing up their grandchildren, as they have done their bit, but it wouldn't hurt to help out now and then. My mother goes on at me to study and further my career but there is no suggestion of coming to give me a break now and then. I asked my mum to come on a monday evening to cook meal of the kids and so that we could all spend some time together. But she came over and lectured the kids on helping out, cooked a crap dinner and then bent my ear about this and that. I was exhausted for the rest of the evening. Dad couldn't wait to get out of the door quick enough. Then they wonder why their grandchildren don't want to spend time with them. I think you should be honest with your mum and say you and your husband would like to spend an evening togther. If she makes an excuse then put her on the spot and ask her why she always "ducks out". I think in circumstances such as this you need to let her know why you are cheesed off. But make it clear you are not expecting to impose on her too often. If you don't get anywhere, do you have a friend who could babysit for you in return for you baby sitting for her, so that no money is exchanged? I am sure if you asked your closest friends, they would be only too glad to offer if it means you have a break with your husband. Good luck.X

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

you have a good back bone! move farther away from her she almost doesn't exsist anyway....dont have no more kids they r not cheap...

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

You are 36 years old. You shouldn't need your mothers help with your kids. She obviously doesn't want to baby sit them for you. So don't ask her to. She must be mad when you do ask to and so she talks to other family members about you behind your back. Just leave her alone and don't bother trying to talk to her. She'll eventually realize that it's not worth it and try to help you on her own.

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

I hate to say it but it is not your mothers responsibility to take care of the little ones. My mother and step-mother warned me years ago that they already raised us children and not to ask to babysit. So we don't. I think it is more than there right and fair that they don't want to babysit. They have a right to enjoy there old age time without kids. Get a babysitter. I have not had any help and it is just fine. 2 1/2 hours is great. I feel you are asking to much. You should be happy you are even getting some time. These children are your responsibly not your parents. I hope I don't sound harsh. I don't mean to be.

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

You're mother does enough as it is running a busy pre-school.

They are not obligated to babysit for you. You chose to have children and they are you're responsibility.

You're hateful attitude will come back at you one day when you stand over their grave and it is too late to make things right.

Grow up! It is time for you to.

They raised you, they earned there time they have now to do as they chose to, not the way you see they need to utilize it.

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

well i tottaly understand your frustration BUT your kids are your responsibilities and even though it would be considerate for your mother to help you she is not and that is her decision. she is not obligated to take care of your kids.... so you may not be happy with her decision but in the end it is her decision.

as far as mothers day that is absolutely YOUR decision :)

and maybe she doesn't deserve to have you over if that is your opinion so be it. just dont expect her to do things she realy doesn't have to do.

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

You are 36, these are YOUR children, you really have no right to be mad at your mom. Her job was to raise you, and she has. She is not in any way obligated to watch your children. This is HER time to relax.

You're almost done with grad school and should be able to find a high paying job which will help your financial situation - for a babysitter. Life is rough, and the things we want are only worth having if we work for them. What about friends? Couldn't they help you with babysitting every once in awhile?

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

I don't blame you in the slightest for your attitude as HER attitude stinks. I can't imagine a grandparent not wanting to dote over their grandkids or wherever possible helping out a son or daughter. Its not like you are asking for a major upheaval in her life and babysitting for her grandkids shouldn't even be a chore...more like a blessing. How can a woman who thinks like this run a pre-school???

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

I would have handled it just like you did. I wouldn't have stopped over there to celebrate with them. You have your own family and maybe had plans of your own. I would start looking for another babysitter or preschool. Maybe you need some distance between her. It's YOUR family that you have to worry about now and she needs to understand that. You also have to understand too that she's around kids all day and probably needs some peace and quiet after work hours. But I still think she's not being a very good grandma. Best of luck.

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

its time you and your mother had a long talk. you need to find out why she is acting like this. maybe she is just tired from the pre school and wants a break from children when she is off.

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

Why do you feel as if it is your mothers responsibility to help you with your children? You should be happy and appreciative that you even have a mother who helps you out as much as she does. How much money do you save by just having her watch them a couple hours in the morning a few days a week? Your mom runs a preschool... do you think that in her freetime at night or on the weekends that she wants to babysit kids, again! That's what she does for a living, she needs to get away from it on the nights and weekends. If you were a massage therapist, and you did it 40+ hours a week, when you got home at night or on the weekends, would you want to give your husband, family and friends a massage? I don't think so. Give your mom a break... take your own responsibility for your children, find a teenager in the area who can watch them so you can go out...

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

Although I understand your expectations your mother is in no way obligated to meet them. She has raised her children and is now taking time for herself when she is not taking care of other children to make a living. I know most people think that their parents should help them in every way possible, but frankly, at your age, I think that time is over. Your marriage is established and you and your husband are working toward your goals. There will come a day when you will have more time and money to do the things you want to do. Also, what about your husband's family? I don't understand why you are mad at your mom but not your dad or his parents? Perhaps there is another issue here that has nothing to do with watching your kids.

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

You are the one who had the children so you should raise them. I think you are being selfish and childish.Where is it written that when you are a grandparent then you are required to babysit all the time? Yes, I do have children and I have never had someone baby sit my children ever! They are my kids and my responsibility to raise them.

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

I can understand my mil is alot like this I sat her down and talked to her and I told my family what she was really like with my child so she finlly came around good luck

I am 36 years old...how would you react to your parents???

While it would be nice for her to help, she is not obligated to. Grandparents are not there just for babysitting.

With your Mom running a preschool she is probably exhausted from being around small children all day. Just as you feel you need a break from your children, she most likely enjoys the time of day when all the kids are gone. Plus, these are YOUR children.

If you really can not afford a babysitter than maybe try to make a deal with another family at the daycare that your child knows. Talk to another family and make a deal where one friday you will watch their kiddos for a date night and then next week they can take your kids. Having another family to trade babysitting with may be a good deal and it is free.

I understand it is frustrating having two small children and almost no time for yourself. However, your mom already raised her children and is no longer obligated to babysit. If she wants to enjoy her time alone then this is the time to do it.